Fashion<3

after 12 sad years of napfa, its finally gone for good! i missed by 1 ipu to 30 points! grrr actually wanted to end off my napfa life with a big bang. but well, half a bang isnt as bad as it seems too! this got to be my best napfa so far, and its going to be the last too! oh well, i cant be any happier! i will never forgive thong for not counting that one last ipu i struggled so hard to lift my chin above the bar and not succeeding.

hmm i ought to smack myself. still online and slacking even now. i just did srv. so tough can. i hate this man. betetr start studying. and chem spa's coming! god bless me! i sound so foreign and alien in this entry. so not me huh.

*jAye at words.

Made a FASHION statement

9:07 AM

"when too much happiness overflows into sadness."
i've always remembered this line i read in a book by amy tan. though i forgot the title of the book. thats almost what is happening now. just only last week i was bursting wtih joy, and right now im whimpering like nobody's business. everything is so screwed in my life right now. bad things come one after another. i just dont know how to push on. time is definitely not on my side. and it doesnt help to worry about priortising and the negative social consequences arising from this act. everything is just so wrong.

i hope the weather starts getting friendly with hockey matches so it will stop raining! we keep missing lessons for nothing when it rains! we just go down to the pitches and watch the rain, then wait an hour or two just to hear the referees tell us the match is postponed to tomorrow morning, which means missing more lessons. im so tuned out for physics lah. i hate it. hate being imperfect. so perfectly imperfect. and having my grades drop a thousand million notches. argh.

perhaps the only happy thing in this week is the 6-0 in the jj match. but well, its not so happy because i saw susan cry. its heart wrenching when you have to play against a good friend on the pitch. she really played well in the match. and i love her soo sooo sooooo much.

i hope for all my friends to be happy. because i know its hard to get such nice and supportive friends. but somehow i got them. im thankful but i dont know how to show. i always dont know how to show my gratitude. and i regret ever being mean to them. i love all you people out there. thanks for being part of my life, even if its just a day. i feel so loved. i do appreciate you all and if i ever lost my cool with you people, please forgive me. really.

i dont know what to say anymore.

*jAye at words.

Made a FASHION statement

6:55 AM

im a happy girl! though its super tiring coping with studies and hockey but well, im actually deriving joy from this trying period. getting more bonded to the team, and gosh karen, michelle and keshia are so cute! i love them! and out team's getting crazier! and they all say im super funny but i dont think so. hehe. =D at least we're going through tough times together as one. you know its so encouraging to have 19 other people with you. its so nice. i've got greater motivation to play hard in hockey now. its the hockey spirit. going to make this season a good one worth remembering. MUST BE. *=)

aristal was great! gosh shun was so pretty! i want to marry her!!!!!!!! pretty and graceful. if im a guy i'll go after her loh, so elegant! and hockey's got lots of pretty girls too! beetsma, maro, feli, ali! yeah so happy! seeing pretty girls make me H A P P Y! and i saw skymy after like quite long. heh all of them still as pretty as ever. at least we didnt lose that kind of sisterly feeling, going to concerts together and catching up. yay!

finally i have passion in the 2 main areas of my life. hockey-ing and studying with passion. like what limwei said. hehe. im engulfed in happiness! so much its overflowing hur. and thanks jy for being so sweet! the dark chocolates! so sweet of him hehe. i've got such good friends.. i need some motivation to put in more effort in my studies. especially physics! getting so so so dry. ah yes, to get into semis and finals for nationals! i want to go to colours award! hehehe. *=)

happy-ing*

*jAye at words

Made a FASHION statement

3:39 AM

its all so cluttered already. from now on its matches all the way to week 10. doesnt help when the workload is piling up. while everyone else is passing over their busy schedules, mine is just starting. but hey, its going to be my passion right, enjoying everything i do. so i must make things good and really cope well. i know i can. god bless me. i know i wont feel good if we didnt make it to semis. we must at least win something. cant train 1 year for nothing.

got pw grades today. im relieved. so glad the last 1 year of feeling stressed, getting into foul moods, feeling guilty and staying at friend's house to do work because of a lousy broken computer at home paid off.

just to see that 1.

PL: im so glad to see you tagging! every time talk to you on msn also no response hoh? forget old friend already. must keep in touch! and we'll meet up someday once my workload lightens up yups! miss ya all too! jiayou together! *=)

*jAye at woRds

Made a FASHION statement

5:43 AM

hai, im starting to feel stressed again. lousy common test results is the root of my misery. was troubled and thinking if i should drop my S papers. so troubled over it these days lah. but today's the last day to decide, and after talking to mrs chiew i guess i should just continue. keep my options open like what so many people tell me. if they have the confidence in me, i ought to give myself a chance. anyway i have to live up to their expectations because i dont want to let anyone down, and that includes myself.

season starting in like 1 week's time. 18th april. ah anyway i always feel like an idiot on the pitch. its like i do stupid stuff like getting hooked by a team mate's stick and not knowing the freaking rules of the game. grrr and i feel that im not even worth the place in the second team can, not saying that second team isnt important but i just dont feel good enough to be in the team. if we have enough people i think i wont even make it into the second team can. =X and im feeling the pressure to help contribute to the defence team. i dont see why we're so bad just because we dont communicate on the pitch. argh.

dr leong was like saying "i want to see and a1 beside all your gp when you all receive your a levels results slip next year." woah early in the morning he stressing us already. forced to order either time or newsweek. i mean who doesnt want to do well right, but somehow the future seems bleak.

oh well, never underestimate yourself. guess i have to restore that faith and stay positive.

anyway wt im super happy to see you tagging again! you know i missed you haha. please stay happy in canoe and have faith in yourself. sometimes being in an individual competition is better than in a team, then anything you do affects nobody else but yourself. its not so stressful. jiayou k! you go all the way! i'll be there for yoU! *=)

*jAye at woRds

Made a FASHION statement

6:51 AM

yeah i chose 9 for hockey jersey too. now im a happy girl. quite happy at least. hmmm

just finished watching pride. dont know how to return the dvd to kj. hmmm wont be seeing him in like 10 years? ok lah thats an exaggeration but hmmm..

talked to wanyan on the phone yesterday, haa told her abit about what happened. sorry if i made you hurt dear girl. its not that i didnt want to tell you about it but i didnt know how to anyway. its hard to tell people what happened. and after that since everything ended, there's really no point right? and she's right, sm and i have been friends for so long, i guess its quite sad to just end everything. but i dont have a choice. really i dont. i wish things can be better too. but they cant. i shall just stop talking about it.

im learning to cherish things in my life. sometimes i wish i can control my life, my temper. god's fair perhaps. i want all my friends to be happy. im in the thinking mood again. just such a small talk with a friend, just reading an entry and i can plunge into this almost depression thinking state again. i have nothing to say man. =X its all up to me perhaps. what happens when i dont wish to think, dont wish to know?

i need my privacy man. sometimes i just like being alone.

*jAye at words

Made a FASHION statement

1:40 AM