i feel like a super mean person really. its like thoughts race through my mind but i dont tell anyone about it. sometimes these thoughts can be really negative. im like such an untypical girl you know. not those kind of sweet gentle nice girls. hurhur. and im really mean i think. at times i feel like abandoning my shell. keep on running and never look back. not to look back upon the mess i've created. i used to be really optimistic and positive. but now i cant seem to induce that kind of happiness and optimism in myself. why? another question which i dont have an answer to. actually i just allowed myself to slip away into nothingness. told myself i couldnt right before i tried. maybe im really a meanie inside because i cant stand being caught in the middle of conversations concerning yet not concerning me. you know that kind of feeling? maybe im too sensitive so i read too much into everything.
people dont see what i am. yet they think they do and judge like nobody's business. maybe its a matter of hiding, a hideous hideout i chose myself, and thus everything that fits in after that are natural occurrences and i ought to bear the consequences. i wish i was really alone, or never alone. better than being in the middle of nowhere, neither here nor there. you know that kind of feeling?
my basic goal is to succeed in the things i do. yet i dont even try hard for hockey. i just give up totally. and studying is the only reliance i have. a place to hide, to dwell, and to score. but now im about to lose it. and im gonna collapse and fall real hard.
thud. thud. thud.
*jAye at woRds
Made a FASHION statement
6:49 AM