Fashion<3

went to town with junior class after road run. though we slacked and waited for them for quite long heh. i ponned the teaching scholarship. ah quite bad hehe. then i realised that this year was my first time ever walking in a cross country. didnt even try running. haha because i dont believe i can. even though i was very inspired by mr lee after i consulted him for econs essay.. i still couldnt get down to feeling more confident about myself. why?

i feel like a super mean person really. its like thoughts race through my mind but i dont tell anyone about it. sometimes these thoughts can be really negative. im like such an untypical girl you know. not those kind of sweet gentle nice girls. hurhur. and im really mean i think. at times i feel like abandoning my shell. keep on running and never look back. not to look back upon the mess i've created. i used to be really optimistic and positive. but now i cant seem to induce that kind of happiness and optimism in myself. why? another question which i dont have an answer to. actually i just allowed myself to slip away into nothingness. told myself i couldnt right before i tried. maybe im really a meanie inside because i cant stand being caught in the middle of conversations concerning yet not concerning me. you know that kind of feeling? maybe im too sensitive so i read too much into everything.

people dont see what i am. yet they think they do and judge like nobody's business. maybe its a matter of hiding, a hideous hideout i chose myself, and thus everything that fits in after that are natural occurrences and i ought to bear the consequences. i wish i was really alone, or never alone. better than being in the middle of nowhere, neither here nor there. you know that kind of feeling?

my basic goal is to succeed in the things i do. yet i dont even try hard for hockey. i just give up totally. and studying is the only reliance i have. a place to hide, to dwell, and to score. but now im about to lose it. and im gonna collapse and fall real hard.

thud. thud. thud.

*jAye at woRds

Made a FASHION statement

6:49 AM

ewww im so out of self control ok! slacking the whole day through feeling tired and hot because of training yesterday and i ate tooo much chocolates and heaty food. so my fever may be visiting me again. nah its knocking already! =X

anyway i went to queensway just now, was supposed to be a class thing and go check out our class jersey but ended up edwin was the only guy there and only ali, qiu, rn and i went. so sad lah. anyway we got a super good price for the jersey! $20! though its uncle's very own brand but still.. anyway the colour combination's pretty nice. black and silver! and choose our own number haha. im going to put 9 and gEok behind! tada, halu's my man!

shit man. can someone hurry me to go do my work? and im supposed to start studying for ct i THINK. i wont have much time considering the time i spend training and not improving. duh its so ultra demoralising. think i'll be in 2nd team at the most. thats how confident i am of myself. anyway its bad to have competition because you'll lose something in the course. and this something's may be friendship and yet you gain understanding of your friends too, just that this understanding probably makes your life worse because its negative. when the ugly side of someone rears its head, its when reality hits you really hard.

i want to go shopping leh. and i've got so many things that i want to get for people but always didnt get! so sian diao lah. havent gotten leylong her rose earrings. anyway we are making earrings for the class girls! so proud of ourselves. cant find anything nice for yun leh. and aiyohs, i still dont know what i should get for mr yeo! cap, shirt? so hard to find stuff lah. and dont know if i should get for jiayong and kaiyang also. AIYOHhhh.

i've got no date this valentine's day. anybody interested? haha, let's hope i wont have s lectures on tues so that i can go out with my girlfriends! and then wait for the weekend to come so that i can present my wonderfully done [actually its not done yet, haha no time no time!] card to darkie. haha.

till then, now i've got lots of work to do. hurhur. =X

now halu's my man.

*jaye at words!

Made a FASHION statement

3:15 AM